Roadside Attractions
May 2018. It’s a border town. On this side a colorful grouping of shrines. A destination of sorts. Pilgrims come. Penitents. The one in red: I’ve become interested in penance. The nearer one also in red: Here is the spot we begin crawling.
Penance. A second pain undertaken in order to alleviate the first. A penitent might fast, pray, go on a pilgrimage. Wear a hair shirt. Whip themselves. Might go as far as to stay away from fiction. Alcohol. Sugar. As for the first pain, in The Anthology of Water Anne Carson talks of her inability to negotiate in a mad world. Of feeling locked up. Hitting the wall. Starving. Others talk of sin. Of the rift between themselves and God.
Things fall into place for Carson. She meets a man who tells her about a pilgrimage to Compostela. And just like that, they begin the journey, the only rule: ‘Don’t come back the way you went. Come a new way.’ The way is 850 kilometres. 1250 steps to a kilometre. How does the new compare with the old way?
At times Carson and the man take these steps side by side. Mostly she is behind. I’d like to ask her, them. For you walkers is the pain in the steps. In the many many steps? And is this the pain you’re wanting? Is this the one that will heal the other?
In one account I find a reference to a 12th century guidebook. It clarifies: the pain is in the narrowness. The thwarting. Constraint. ‘The pilgrim route is narrow because the road that leads to everlasting life is narrow. The pilgrim route thwarts the body, increases virtues, offers pardon for sins, separation from Hell and the protection of Heaven. It constrains the appetites of the flesh which attack the fortress of the soul, cleanses the spirit and leads us to contemplation.’
Lots of history here. Plenty of it. Pilgrims began walking the Way of St James late ninth century. Recently, two women up my street joined them. I ask the one: ‘Physically challenging. Spiritually challenging. And I’m not even a Catholic.’ I don’t ask the other.
After days and days of walking, bed bugs, bad wine the pilgrims reach Santiago de Compostela. The woman. Carson and her companion. You’d expect huge magic upon their arrival and there is. Fireworks. Mass. The crowds are blessed. The woman feels her soul to be nourished. Carson gets drunk. You’d also expect people would want to stay. Hang on to that delicious state. They never stay. A few days later the woman hires a taxi. Carson rents a car. They drive up the road. To the end of the road. Finisterre.
What to do at the end of the road. Keep looking. Something else. A path. And when that vanishes climb the boulders. And when the boulders drop into the sea. And there is nothing but the sea. Some jump in. The woman gets a tattoo. Carson turns back. One inevitably turns back.
Parting thoughts: Don’t throw away your guidebooks just yet.